


If this was a movie

by ylc



Series: Taylor Swift's song inspired AUs [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance?, Sad, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 21:23:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3183647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylc/pseuds/ylc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is dealing with the fact that Dean left him behind.</p><p>Human AU, companion work to "Back to December".</p>
            </blockquote>





	If this was a movie

**Author's Note:**

> I finished writing “Back to December” and I figured, why not continue to break my heart? Oh God, why do I keep doing to myself? Even worse, why would I do it to people who are nice enough to read what I write? And worst of all, why do I enjoy it so much?  
> Because I’m a horrible person, I think.  
> Anyway… enjoy?

Six months ago, when Castiel woke up to a text from Dean informing him he was leaving the town and heading to Texas because a better job offer had come around, he had felt his world shattering. He knew it was a lie; Dean loved his work here and besides, had that been true, he would have asked Castiel to come with him. If he was just looking for better opportunities, he would have taken the man he claimed to love with him.

But he didn’t. He didn’t even say goodbye to him properly. He tossed him away, like what they had meant nothing.

Maybe it hadn’t. Maybe it was Castiel the one who had read too much into it.

As every morning for the past 6 months, Castiel presses his face against his pillow and screams as tears run down his cheeks. He’s sad, true, but by now he’s mostly frustrated; angry at himself for seemingly being incapable of moving on.

It’s been 6 months. By now, he should know that Dean is not coming back. Still, every time the doorbell rings, he can’t fight the bright flame of hope that ignites inside his chest, only to be disappointed when it just turns out to be the mailman or some friendly neighbor, who, worried for his well-being, is just dropping by to say hello.

He hates people pitying him.

But the worst is when it’s Sam the one on the other side of the door. Sam and Dean don’t look very much alike and for that Castiel is eternally grateful, but he’s still Dean’s younger brother and it pains him that he still comes around to visit while his brother ran away from him 6 months ago.

Someone is petting his hair while he continues crying and for a second, his traitorous brain suggests it might be Dean. The thought is soon pushed away, recognizing the hand on his head is way too big to be the Dean’s.

Sam’s then.

“What are you doing here?” he whispers softly, putting the pillow down. Usually Charlie is the one who stays with him, to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid (he wouldn’t, but nobody believes him, seeing the toll Dean’s departure has taken on him) but every now and then, Sam is the one who stays.

He doesn’t like Sam visiting. He hates even more having him staying the night.

But he doesn’t say anything. He’s glad Sam thinks of him as a friend and not just as his brother’s (ex) boyfriend. He’s glad he cares enough to stay with him and try to make him feel better.

Why didn’t Dean care enough?

He sobs harder at the thought and Sam comes to lie next to him, so he can pull him into a hug. The taller male is warm and it’s nice to be hugged, but it just makes Castiel cry harder. Sam makes soft cooing noises, rubbing a hand over his back, pressing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

“I’m sorry” Cas whispers, ugly sobs still escaping his lips, “I know I’m being overemotional-”

“Cas, no,” Sam says, hugging him closer “you’ve got nothing to apologize for. It’s completely understandable.”

“I love him” he confesses softly and feels Sam tensing, “even after all of this… I still love him”

“Oh Cas…” the younger man mutters something darkly, his grip on Cas tightening “I’m going to murder him when I see him.”

“Don’t” Castiel begs, burring his head against Sam’s neck. It’s nice being held like that, “please don’t” he murmurs sleepily, suddenly feeling tired again.

“Get back to sleep, Cas” Sam murmurs, still rubbing soothing circles on his back “it’s still early.”

With a nod, Castiel drifts back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

“He’s not coming back, is he?” Cas asks the next morning, walking into the kitchen and finding Sam making coffee. The taller male sighs sadly and shakes his head.

“No, I don’t think so.”

Castiel nods, solemnly. “I’d hoped- Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“Cas-”

“I’m fine Sam. Really” he isn’t, not really. “Or at least I think I’ll be. I just- I just need time.”

With time, he’ll move on. With time, his time with Dean will become nothing but a sweet memory. A memory of a time he was so happy, he couldn’t believe he had got so luck. His luck ran out though, and yet, despite the hurt, he doesn’t regret what happened. He can’t regret loving Dean.

It just wasn’t meant to be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So... thoughts, anyone? This one is just really sad, but after listening to the song I just couldn't help myself. "Teardrops on my guitar" is also kind of sad, because it deals with Sam's unrequited crush that I adressed on the first installment of this series and the last one "Begin Again" should be happier. Somewhat.  
> Anyway, let me know what you thought!


End file.
